No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
