Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
