I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
