There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
