beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
