Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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