trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
