angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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