Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
