just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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