So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
