Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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