I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
