ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
