I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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