My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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