How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A bitchslap is in order.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
