Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just invented taco cereal.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
