I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
