Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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