I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
