I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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