I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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