You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
