Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
