i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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