Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
