His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I just sharted jello shots
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
