i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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