I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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