please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
