you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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