Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
