there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
