I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
