You're so nebulous sometimes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
