hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
