i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
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Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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