i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
