Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
