upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
