btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
