whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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