Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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