you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
