Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
