You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize