Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My feet surprised me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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