Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
