Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
