Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
