Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
