If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
