The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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