You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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