I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am in a vortex of obligation.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
