So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Shame - the story of my life.
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