Already got asked if we're dating
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
