I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
