I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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