Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
