She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
