I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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