She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just gift wrapped bread.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
