I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize