the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
