I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I want is dick and wine.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
